Character: Ben Connor
Ben Conner: [about Sue] I just feel like we're closer than ever!
Jonathan Fields: That's so great, man.
Ben Conner: Thanks.
Dino Whitman: Could you two be any more gay?
Jonathan Fields: Well, we could be two guys without girlfriends who have sex with each other. That would be more gay.
Ben Conner: [frustrated when all the girls are coming on to him when he's already with Miss Young] What am I, in season?
Ben Conner: They say boys think about sex every fifteen seconds. I think about it every five seconds. I mean I'm thinking about it right now.
Ben Conner: There's a reason I never hook up. I don't know how to talk to girls my age. I mean they think you're weird if you're smart, and I don't know how to act dumb. So I try to think of what they want to talk about and I write it down so I know what to say before I say it but then when I say it, it doesn't sound like that I wanted to say.
Ben Conner: You are not going another step, I swear to God I will take you down.
Jonathan Fields: And I'll help.
[holding his eye]
Jonathan Fields: Seriously, I will.
Ben Conner: Yeah, I may not get any sex but I am constantly willing to continue this discussion.
Ben: God, I love school!
Ben: Which trumps, boy, or teacher?
Annie Whitman: I remember you guys as babies.
(kisses Jonathon on the cheek)
Annie Whitman: Jonathon, I used to change your diapers.
Ben: That was last week, wasn't it?
Ben: How are you supposed to go to school when all you can think about is sex?
Ben: The lead? I'm not the lead! I'm in the chorus, I'm not the lead!
Ben: Sex enters the picture and all of a sudden I'm a stupid sex monkey!
Dino: She's willing to go to jail for some underage beef!
Ben: My beef!
Ben: Break a leg.
Sue: I hope you break both of yours!
Ben: What the hell, why are you such a bitch to me?
Monica: Has anyone had a fight with a sibling, how about you Ben?
Ben: Monica.
Monica: Have you ever fought with a sibling over, a woman?
Ben: My brother only dates sluts!
Ben: So this is it?
Ms. Young: This is it.
Ben: Seems kinda anti-climactic.
Ben: Money is useless when you're dead.
Quotes curtesy of IMDb and TV.com
Character: Eddie O'Hare
Ted Cole: [discussing Eddie's first story] Oh, its very heartfelt. Very personal. Well, its just a collection of personal anecdotes that don't really add up to much.
Eddie O'Hare: I was just trying to see if could write something that seemed true.
Ted Cole: Oh, it seems true. It just isn't very interesting. It sort of an emotional outburst, but it really isn't a story.
Eddie O'Hare: [matter-of-factly] Wrong cubes!
Ted Cole: [looks at his glass and realizes he did not used ice cubes for his whisky]
Ted Cole: [gets rid of the glass contents]
Quotes curtesy of IMDb